Warning to reader (if there's any). My blog may not contain fairy tales where all the stories are sweet and nice. If you feel that you're going to puke because of the emotional journey and negativity of my blog, find another damn blog to read.

Sunday, December 4, 2011


There are times when people search for meaning in this world. Some may find it, while others remain at a lost, and those who are lost are the vulnerable one.

It began in a solitary day. I was searching for entertainments to release myself from the bind of assignments and coursework. To tell the truth, normally I would go for something beyond reality. Anime or manga would do great. Sometimes, I searched for songs for me to indulge myself into and sing like crazy.

I didn't know what came into me that day. I was searching for songs as usual, read the stupid arguments in the YouTube comment sections. My focus suddenly converges into this one short comment which is simply out of place: "You should watch ##### movie, it's a masterpiece!!". The statement was so intriguing that I wonder what's so damn good about a movie.

And I would like to repeat, I didn't know what came into me that day. I had never downloaded a single movie in my entire life. Except for Vampire diaries series, some YouTube videos and cartoons. I didn't know why I went for such a hassle to download a movie simply because of it's title and one recommendation from an unknown.

And I waited for about an hour. And I still had no clue...


Venue: KISAS hall
Event: A talk (ceramah)

"Assalammualaikum Ustaz, tadi Ustaz ada bercakap tentang pembacaan, sewajarnya kita banyak membaca untuk menambahkan ilmu dan meluaskan minda, expand our horizon. Tapi macamane Ustaz kalau kita nak baca satu buku tu, tapi buku tu banyak mengenengahkan falsafah atau prinsip yang kadang-kadang boleh menggoncang pegangan yang kita pegang sebelum ni?"


Flashback ends.

The downloading process finished. The movie's quality was great, bluray. Probably that's why it took quite some time to download. Then, I downloaded the srt. file for subtitles. I started watching afterwards.

Probably, I didn't know what I was going to deal with. The messages brought by the movie struck me at my most vulnerable spot. That it breached the last line of defense that I was trying to build a block of brick a day for about 5 years now. It hit me deep that it shook the very principle that I was trying to embrace onto.
All were smashed into pieces in one single blow.

I was left traumatized, emotionally, alone. Everything were heightened. The regrets of the past, the burdens of the present, the feelings of uncertain future all together magnified leaving my body numb and my rationale paralyzed. My productivity went to a sudden halt although prior to this event, my spirit was up and rolling.

The only thing I did was curling up on my bed, weeping and questioning my fate. I even ditched a lecture the day afterwards even though I promised myself that skipping class is the last thing I would do.

If I were to know this would happen, I would prepare myself. Damn! Perhaps, I let my weak spot exposed. With my principle gone, I guess I'm transitioning and I don't know whether is it towards a betterment or deterioration.

For those who are concerned about me, I thank you. Although, I can't help my new self from thinking that some of you are wearing a fucking mask because I myself can't wait from taking off the mask I'm wearing now.

Well, this is the inevitable reality. The movie is indeed a masterpiece, I would say, for affecting me.


No maki hamun ok, dosa tau!

Post Hangat!!!! lol ;p