of sea creatures and volcanoes in the ocean

I guess sharing in the blog does indeed help me to untie the knot of my problems. I can actually feel the troubles being lifted, away from my shoulders and knees. I feel sorry to any reader coz you have to read this shit.

While I was in the stress mode, the evil thoughts of the end of my world kept thrusting my mind. I don't know how to describe why it happened, but I'm pretty sure they were pretty nasty:

1. I am walking home from the lecture, feeling lost, do not realize around me until a point that I cross the Science Road, a bus tries to avoid from hitting me, but hit other vehicles instead. And I keep walking without noticing what had happened behind me.

2. The same thing as above, but I am being hit instead of the other vehicles.

3. Three burglars break into my house to steal stuff, but end up torturing me in front of my housemates because I'm trying to fight back. While I had the chance, I grab the gun from one of the thief and shot the two of them dead, while torturing the other guy by shooting his knees, arms etc. Then, I was sentenced to death in an electric chair because of the murder.

4. Same case as above, but I shoot myself instead.

5. I go to Oceana, drink like crazy, wearing a wristband on my hand, caught red-handed by my housemates, had a huge fight, lose myself by abusing medications.

I dont' know. I think all these thoughts were driving me to insanity. The insecurity that I felt, I really don't want to feel it again. Na'uzubillah.

Even though I'm losing my grip to the reality, I could actually hear, deep inside of me, the voice of my good self. It was very faint, but I know it was shouting towards me:

"You are going to be okay, trust me... You are fine, believe in me..."

To my friends whose trying to help me. I thank you. Very sorry for making you guys worry, if and only if you worry. I just couldn't find the one that actually fit for listening my stories. I'm grateful though that I myself is the one sorted everything out.

What I can say is the crises that I faced, they were like volcanoes in the ocean. When they erupt, only the sea creatures: fishes, dolphins, squids, whales, sharks, seaweeds see for themselves the disaster that they bring. The cows, lions, butterflies, tigers, horses however, can probably see it from afar and feel the vibrations but it's none of their business. And I believe this analogy is applicable to humans as well.

Guess I'm calming down now. I can actually see clearer the path ahead of me.

Hear me volcanoes dearest, please stay silent and don't explode again....