confession in the dream

Sounds pathetic huh,? But it happened. Huhuu! To tell the truth, I hardly ever confessed on anything in my whole life. I found it hard to describe what I really feels in any occasion. Be it my travel experience, love, study difficulties, anything. Probably that's why I especially hate it when I am being asked about my feelings because I'm not pretty sure how to describe it well. The funny thing is I describe worst orally compared to in written form.

Like they said, sharing is caring. Confessing is a hard thing. I can't believe myself when I confessed in my dream and in this case towards someone I really had a crush on. Ahh, perhaps, I want to bang my head on the wall now but of course covered with layers of duvets and pillows. Hehe! The feeling, the atmosphere, was really really breathtaking... really. And in the same time a little bit depressing. I'll tell you why later.

Before confessing, we met, obviously, in a garden. I found that the garden is a bit nostalgic, and somehow I used to have a personal attachment towards it. Enough about that garden. Imagine I'm at a bench as if waiting for this long lost love person, and without even expecting, that person is there, standing in a middle of the pathway. Well, I could only observe from afar, not being able to scream the name of the person because it stuck on the throat. To my surprise, that person suddenly realize that I am laying down on the bench watching the clouds moving. I pretend that I didn't realize it and without noticing, that person already sitting besides me. One word of 'Hi' is enough to cause a meltdown in my heart, and at the moment, literally, I'm flying without wings.

Tup tup, the scene changes to a house, which probably is my house, although it's quite different from my real house out of the dream.

There, we're sitting on the floor, facing each other. The dream camera is focusing on us, and from far at the back probably the kitchen my mum is cooking, then, there's my second brother sitting at the dining table quite near to us, with my youngest brother running around the whole area of the house and sometimes bumping on us with his car toys.

And everything begins. The mood is there. I don't know why it happens. All the words that I hold onto myself for the past how many years are being thrown at the person. My love, my jealousy, my sadness, my excitement everything comes out in a single flow, very fluent like a water falls down a hill in Niagara waterfall (surprisingly!) up to a point that the counter partner has no room to reply on what I'm telling (being dominant huh after long recessive period haha!). I couldn't put it in words how relieve I am.

To cut it short, although I am rejected (what a sad ending to a me extraordinary exposition huhuu!), I am feeling at ease probably because the explanation given by that person is reasonable and comprehensible. Perhaps, my subconscious has one way or another 'corrupt' the character and the way that person thinks since everything happens in my dream. Overall, I would say it is a thrilling experience. I don't actually feel disappointed at the end although rejection is a painful event. However, being able to express how I really feels is more than enough. I would agree that containing everything in the heart is definitely a big challenge, not a simple matter.

I guess that's all for now. Better get prepared for the winter gathering I'm attending. Well, I pray that one day, I would have the courage to untie all the knots to me life, not just in the dream but in this inevitable reality as well.